Terms of Uselessness

Our Motto

"We're Not Happy 'Till You're Not Happy"



Acceptance of Terms


By accessing the content of this site, you acknowledge that you have read and agree to abide by the terms described below. If you do not agree to the terms presented here, you must discontinue use of personal hygiene products and construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.


Limitation of Liability

You agree that, whatever it is, if it is bad it is not our fault, it was never our fault, and if anyone says it is our fault you will be very, very angry with them for saying such a mean and nasty thing about us. Further, you agree that if it is good it must be ours and that we are owed a lot of money by a lot of people for making it good. This includes, but is not limited to, ice cream, exotic cars, the space-time continuum, and beer.


Intellectual Property

Any thoughts or ideas which may occur to you while viewing the content of this site belong to us. You are required to submit scans of brain activity for the period of time during which you viewed this site so that the relevant brain cells can be extracted, at your expense.


Your Rights

By viewing the content of this site, you agree to forfeit all rights and privileges for the greater good of the American Corporate Oligarchy, particularly if you are not a citizen of the United States and may, therefore, still have rights.


The terms of this agreement are a parody and shall not be enforced unless the Supreme Court rules otherwise.

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